Why would anyone want a vibrator? That’s a question with many answers, obviously, but if we skip around the folks who require one to orgasm for assorted reasons (antidepressants, mobility issues, etc.) the answer is usually because vibrators, whether you’re using them solo or with a partner, are fun! As a general rule, choosing a sex toy should be like choosing a ride at an amusement park: because it looks like a great time.

Unfortunately, that’s not the way everyone sees it. Some people don’t want to even think about getting a vibrator, and it’s usually for the same few unfounded reasons. After 15 years working in sex shops and talking to customers about vibrators (among other things), I’ve distilled the vibrator hateorade into six statements, and I can tell you that they just don’t make sense! Let’s have a look.

Unfounded Reason #1

“My partner will get jealous”
(AKA “I might get jealous” and “I don’t need the competition!”)

The majority of comments I hear about why someone doesn’t want to try a vibrator are in this category. I get it, really: Sex is extremely intimate and important part of connecting with your partner, and you don’t want anything getting in the way of that. But here’s the thing: we’re talking about a toy. An extremely intimate toy, to be sure—but a toy nevertheless. Your partner isn’t going to have a relationship with a toy. It’s non-sentient equipment, which means it’s incapable of being an opponent or a rival. Toys do offer advantages, obviously—they are always available, ready and in the mood—but all they can provide is orgasms, not partnership or any kind of relationship. A substitute for humans they’re not. A delightful addition, though? Absolutely.

Unfounded Reason #2

“I have a partner. I don’t need a vibrator!”

This is a very common comment about sex toys in general. Frequently this has been said to me just as a couple comes through the door and before I have said more than hello. My response, of course, is the amusement park analogy from above with an enthusiastic retail smile. I know that’s truly being said to a partner who might be feeling insecure, not to me, no matter what it looks like. I know this because I have never had someone who came in alone say it. I can honestly say that those insecurities usually fade naturally in the store because there’s a lot more to modern adult toys than most people think.

Unfounded Reason #3

“But I’m a guy!”

I understand the misunderstanding here but vibrators are not just for clitorises and vaginas. There are so many parts of the human body that can enjoy vibration no matter what gender, for example nipples are a good spot to try and everyone has those. The industry itself has always been overly focused on female anatomy, probably because of being founded by mostly straight men, but it’s getting a little better. Even a guy can enjoy vibration; anatomy really doesn’t matter.

Unfounded Reason #4

“A vibrator will desensitize me.”

This is probably the one that’s closest to legit. The vibrations can indeed make the area that you used them on seem numb or desensitized after you are done. That effect is purely temporary however. Basically all that’s happened is that your nerves have gotten very confused and a tad overstimulated by the brand-new sensations that you have subjected them to. Give them a break from the vibration and they will go back to normal. You will experience this less as you become more used to vibration.

Unfounded Reason #5

“Vibrators are for desperate people.”

I really don’t like this one, because it implies that exploring your own body is something you only do if you don’t have someone to do it for you. There is nothing wrong with spending some time getting to know yourself sexually. This is not desperation, it’s common sense. How can a partner do what you enjoy in bed if you don’t know what you enjoy in bed? Spending some time in solo play makes partner play a more active and fun experience.

Unfounded Reason #6:

“Sex toys are for sluts.”

Slut-shaming aside, this is pretty silly. Is it the idea that only sluts like sex? Most humans like some sort of sexual play and those that don’t are usually not the ones accusing folks of being sluts. Maybe it’s the belief that sex, even with an object, will stretch a vagina out and that is slutty? It doesn’t, it won’t, and that is not how vaginas work. There is no amount or type of sex that will change a person’s anatomy. It’s not just women who are slut-shamed, by the way. I have seen folks slut-shaming their own partners over dildos, vibrators, and especially masturbators (pocket pussies are an example of a masturbator). This is a sex-stigma thing. I wish everyone understood that liking and wanting sex is perfectly normal—and so is the opposite. Everyone is different.

Vibrators are fun! They add a little bit extra to an already enjoyable pastime. Even Walgreens and Walmart have acknowledged this and carry a few vibrators. (They’re pretty terrible examples of their kind, but they are vibrators nonetheless.) If you think you are ready to explore this in person, then read on: that’s the direction we are heading next.