I mentioned previously that I don’t recommend buying a first vibrator online, and shared my reasoning for that. However, I recognize that not everyone has access to a good store. So for those who have to buy online, following are some fundamental guidelines to keep in mind during your search.

• No chrome. Avoid chrome in general. The classic chrome vibe with the dial in the base has become so much of a cliche that almost every toy company makes them as a cheap novelty item, which means nobody is taking it seriously—which means your pleasure and safety are not necessarily top of mind! Plus, the chrome can flake or peel and that’s absolutely something you don’t want.

• No pocket rockets. Also avoid anything that is described as a pocket rocket, even if it claims to be the original. This refers to a particular style of small vibrator, and while there are good versions available, they’re outnumbered by the bad versions. If you’re looking for something in that style, stick to shopping in person for it.  

• No soft plastics. Avoid anything that is made of or coated with TPR (Thermoplastic Resin) or TPE (Thermoplastic Elastomer). These are the plastics that make sex toys soft, in most cases. Many of them are smelly, gross, or just bad for you. While body-safe versions of both exist, it’s near impossible to verify that online. Stick with hard plastic (ABS) or hard silicone if you are buying something sight unseen. 

• Size matters. Pictures can be deceiving, especially when it’s just an object on a white background like most photos of products for sale. Sometimes there will be measurements, but those can be misleading or just wrong. This is another good place to look for reviews of the toy in question to see what folks who tried it have to say. If you can find a company with a customer service phone number, you can call and ask them, but in the end you may just have to buy something well under budget and cross your fingers that it isn’t a weird size. 

• Returns are difficult. While some companies do take returns (for reasons of cleanliness), they can be tough to find. Most companies who do allow returns will do so only if the toy is defective. If they allow returns for other reasons, you don’t know if they are reselling the toys, or how far the previous owner went to see if they liked the toy. (I’ve had too many defective products returned unwashed to trust that process, myself.)

There are so many companies that sell sex toys online and they change constantly, I honestly don’t know which ones to trust. I once found that one of the most respected people in the adult industry had a recommendation for a toy on her website that my store carried and her description of it had my whole staff laughing because it was so absurdly wrong. This is the problem with buying online, how do you know? If I hadn’t been selling that particular toy at the time, I wouldn’t have known. The absolute best way to approach this is to check reviews, both of the company that you are looking at and of the specific toy. There are many good companies out there, finding them is the trick — and reviews are the best way to do that. I’m here to help you avoid the worst of what’s out there and hope you find the best. I hope this helps! 

If you found this series helpful, stick around for the next, in which we delve into the mysterious world of lubricants!