Okay So now we look at introducing a reluctant or hesitant partner to vibrators or just adult products in general. This can be a tricky area, if you are going to try something brand new you need consent, that is a firm rule. I am against pushing anyone for their consent and I am absolutely against introducing anyone to anything when they are impaired or coerced in any way. There is no arguing about this fact.
If you are someone who enjoys toys or just wants to try them sometime it can be tough to persuade someone who has an aversion or fear of them. There are an awful lot of people who are scared or reluctant because they know absolutely nothing about modern sex toys. There are also plenty of people that have had a bad experience in the past because of a previous partner who had more enthusiasm than knowledge and pushed them too far. There are a huge amount of misconceptions about sex toys. There’s also the fear of the unknown in general, and overall shame issues. There are plenty of reasons why you might be trying to get someone past this particular set of inhibitions and some people just don’t realize that there is a lot more to adult toys than there used to be.
The best place to start depends on what you are trying to get them to try and why. Unless there is a particular item you are intrigued by or have already been using it is probably easiest to start with a basic flavored lubricant. I know that these have had a bad reputation for years but there have actually been really good ones out for over a decade! System Jo is a brand with consistently good and safe flavored lubes and Wicked Sensual Care is another brand that has never caused anyone any issues that I’ve heard. Both of these companies are very careful not to use any ingredients that would cause any issues unless you have a specific sensitivity. There are likely other brands that are just as good but those have been my go tos for years.
Starting out with something like this at home is easy, taste it and encourage your partner to taste it. You can even combine it with different coffees or ice cream (I know that the companies above make a few flavors that taste great with both!) and make an event out of it. If they don’t like it then at least you can now start talking about finding something better. They also may just simply say that they think you taste fine, in that case you have a lube that smells amazing and a chance to talk about other things they might like to try. Please make sure to tell them in the beginning that you bought this because the lube tastes good, not because you think they taste bad, that point is sure to occur to them at some point.
If the flavored lube idea does not appeal to you then maybe a very small vibrator. The best way to encourage a reluctant partner with this is to start very small and with something both of you already enjoy and add a bit of vibration to it. This is the place where cheap and disposable vibrating rings come into their own. If you love oral sex, you can get a vibrating tongue ring, they are a touch awkward but it introduces vibration gently and gives you something to laugh about. Sex is like most things, if you can get everyone laughing it will sooth a lot of nerves.
There are lots of different disposable finger and cock rings you can use as well. Most of these rings are sold with very stretchy rings so if you have other body parts or other things you want to attach it to you can be creative. Depending on your own comfort level you can bring one of these things out and start using it yourself first. The absolute best thing to help gently introduce something a little scary is to strap it to something familiar and comfortable, like you!
These instructions are intended for those bringing a traditional or vanilla partner into the world of adult products. That is not where everyone starts though. There is also the 50 shades or power play type of exploration. If that is the direction you are trying to head then most likely you don’t really need to go shopping at all. Start with a simple blindfold and a piece of yarn or thread that is easy to break. You can even use a pillow instead of yarn for this scenario. Use these props to create the illusion of restraint. Tie someone up with the thread gently or put a pillow on their hands or arms and tell them they can’t move it. The person “bound” can be blindfolded and slowly made love to, or massaged, or even tickled if that’s okay with them. Do very familiar and ordinary things at first, it’s amazing how different they seem when blindfolded. Then you can branch out to more if everyone is still comfortable with it and gives consent. If after a few scenes of this type you and your partner(s) wish to go further then you can shop for specific toys. Thanks to a certain book series there are much better bondage toys in the stores than there were 20 years ago. Bondage toys are easier to buy online than a lot of adult toys too so you have options.
The last suggestion is going to kind of trickle back to the beginning. What if you are having trouble discussing this with your partner(s) at all? There is a way to do this and the internet makes it easier. It has always been called the bookmark technique but what the word “bookmark” meant has changed over time. There are a few ways to do this but the most modern is to do it through weblinks. If there is something you want to try or an idea you are nervous to bring up, find an article or story online about it. Send the link to the person and tell them to like it if they, well, like it or find a link to something they like better if they are not so fond of it. Then you do the same to theirs until you have a couple of things you all want to try. Hopefully after a few rounds of this it will be easier to talk about it. Besides, even if that doesn’t happen you have a much better idea of what everyone’s into and you can always repeat the process.
These are my suggestions for introducing a reluctant partner to the world of adult products. You may find that none of these work for you or that your partner is just not into it after all and that’s okay too. Some folks just don’t get into it and there’s nothing wrong with that. Be kind and safe and enjoy yourselves!
