What size and shape are best for your very first vibrator? The range is, well, enormous! Where to begin? First things first: while I’ll stay out of the bigger-is-better debate about actual penises, when it comes to toys, bigger is not better.

I’ve seen countless first-timers enter the store and grab a big, vibrating penis look-alike because that’s what they think a vibrator is. But the truth is, the size gets in the way and the shape limits what you can do with it.

For your very first vibe, I recommend something small and very simple. You’re just starting to figure this out and you want to be able to use it in as many different spots as possible, to find out what you like. Toy makers tend to forget about anything other than clitoral and vaginal stimulation but that doesn’t mean you should. There are lots of places where vibration can feel good on everyone, not just on genitalia and not just on her!

The shape of your vibe should be straight or have a slight curve, and it should be long enough for you to hold it securely. (Bluntly speaking, you want to be able to poke it into confined spaces and not lose your grip.) It shouldn’t be too thick and it helps if it’s smooth, meaning not ridged or patterned. Ridges can be great on toys that might be used for thrusting in and out of an orifice, but it’s unlikely that you’ll be thrusting with a small vibe. Plus, ridges just make cleaning somewhat challenging. 

Starting with something small, straight, and basic opens the door for exploration. With just a small, straight vibe, you can vibrate all the bits on yourself or your partner that find it pleasurable. You can even use it during intercourse of whatever style by holding it on any bits that need a bit more oomph.

One thing you should never do with a small, straight vibe, however? Anal penetration. You can stimulate the outside of the anus with this but anything going inside must have a wide base, flange or large ring to prevent it slipping too far inside. Unlike the vagina, which has a cervix to prevent anything from sliding too far, the anus will allow just about anything all the way inside. You don’t want to be one of those people in the ER trying to convince the doctor that you sat on it. (They won’t believe you, anyway.) 

These are my recommendations: you may find something totally different that you want to try instead, and that’s great, too! In the next post, we’ll be talking about textures and materials. (They matter more than you might think!)