How exactly do you decide on your first vibrator when you’ve never tried one before? Many people start by playing with something they already own that vibrates. Back massagers are a famous (serious) joke, and many folks swear by vibrating toothbrushes. While these have limited use, they do give you a place to start, and possibly an idea of what you like. They can be a touch awkward since they aren’t designed for sex, and cleaning them can be a pain. But none of that is a big deal if you enjoy it.
Eventually, though, many people get a bit tired of this kind of improvisation and decide to move on to something expressly designed for the purpose. At that point, it becomes very clear very quickly that so many objects fall into the category of vibrator—and they vary so much that it can be overwhelming to navigate. That’s why I wrote this series. Having been an adult-toy store employee for 15 years, I’ve seen it all. And I’m going to do my best to help you throughout the entire process of selecting and purchasing your first vibrator, starting with the basics, sharing insights and advice (and some overall warnings), and walking you through it all.
Let’s be real: this is a relatively simple thing for a person to do. But this entire series is based on the mistakes that my customers have unknowingly made over the years. Sex toys are still taboo to some extent, and I want to dispel all the myths and misconceptions I can.
This series will comprise nine posts, covering the following:
- Basic do’s and don’ts
- Sizes and shapes
- Textures and scents (more important than you might think!)
- All about physical vibration and how to evaluate it
- Why the power source matters
- Control buttons and why they matter
- Shopping in person vs online
- In-person shopping
- Online shopping
Quick story-time: years ago, I worked in a store that was quite close to a large university. A young man came in and headed directly over to the vibrators. He made a quick selection and came up to the counter. I started the checkout process (old school, had to write purchases down in a notebook) and made small talk about his choice. He said that his girlfriend wanted her first vibe and he was buying it for her. I looked down at the toy and blurted out, “Oh no! You’ll scare her to death!” He had selected a huge G-spot vibe that was almost as thick as a Red Bull can, had an aggressive right angle turn of a third of its length and was scented with the worst pseudo-cherry scent possible. In short, it was the worst choice for a first vibe that I had ever seen at that point. I put that one aside and helped him find a smaller and unscented alternative.
There are a huge number of embarrassed humans quickly buying the first thing they see that fits the loose description of vibrator and rushing off. I truly do understand that embarrassment. I felt it myself before getting into the business. Hopefully the practical information I’m providing here will help you slow down and work through that embarrassment to make a thoughtful choice. (I really don’t want you to end up with something that smells like cough syrup in a tire fire.)
